Monday, March 13, 2017

Bucket List

There are so many things on my bucket list that I want to accomplish...

1) Go to Europe

2) Go on a Transatlantic Cruise

3) Look good in a bikini

4) Successfully climb the ninja-warrior warped wall

5) See a real life tornado...

(just my top 5)

Last night we had some friends over for dinner. For the sake of anonymity we'll call them Kames and Jendra. Jendra works at a very nice, very fancy half-park/half cemetery that's well known in Cincinnati.

Her main duties deal with finances, but everyone who works there must be able to answer basic questions and go through primitive training practices- one being to watch a cremation.

Now...this may seem morbid- but I am a twisted ICU nurse, so it fits me. After hearing her stories about cremations... I have added to my bucket list:

6) witness a corpse move during a cremation

Jendra said that families, upon request, can watch the cremation of their loved one...they must be warned before the process starts, however, that when the fire burns through skin, fat and sinew and gets to the muscle layer, some of the muscles can...get this..."jump."

Apparently, it is not uncommon for corpses to throw an arm in the air, and she even said sometimes the body will even SIT UP.

Obviously I had to google this fact, which I found to be true, but also discovered that some people on the internet are kind of freaky:



Dude, there are whole buildings with proper regulations that can do that for you...unless you are trying to destroy evidence of a crime, in which I have to say- don't you watch CSI or Forensic Files? They're gonna confiscate your computer and they're going to see that you were looking this kind of crap up.

You need to watch more cable TV.

Also, with the lingering Patriot Act in effect, they are probably on to you already...

I also found this..which, let me tell you...is in and of itself reason to lose weight...



And very nice ad placement google... way to kick me while I'm down...

at least they're reasonably priced... and kinda cute...